#23 — An Old Foe Returns

Janie,

I really enjoyed our visit last week! A nice unhindered conversation around a campfire in the middle of the city was so refreshing. (Unhindered until we were invaded by a swarm of middle aged goth kids?) And Sunny is still talking about her time with Alder and Poppy. I wish they could see each other more often, but at the same time, I’m aware of how fun it can be to have long distance friendships as well. 

Anyway, you’d think there wouldn’t be much of an update since you were just here, but things have taken a nasty turn. A turn that was totally unexpected. I had been in such a groove the last few weeks. Making snacks from scratch, simmer pots on the stove, crafts with the kids etc.. but for some unknown reason, suddenly I dread doing anything. I don’t want to make meals, I don’t want to tidy up when the kids are napping. I don’t want to do dishes after the kids are in bed. I don’t want to do laundry. Not only do I feel lazy and exhausted, I feel resentful about all these tasks. I feel incredibly bored. All productivity in the house has stopped. I don’t want to paint anymore. I don’t want to organize and declutter. It’s strange because these are the things that were keeping me going. I like painting (most of the time) and organizing but now if I have some free time when Silouan gets home from work I don’t know what to do. And then I’m stressed about wasting time. I feel disgruntled and very irritable. We follow a very predictable rhythm each day around here, and for some reason I feel like I don’t know what to do next. These feelings are so extreme and so debilitating that I have a hunch it’s something much darker than the winter blues or a vitamin D deficiency. I’m going to call my priest later today and schedule the house blessing I’ve been putting off because I wanted to finish painting first.   

A few days later…

Well, it turns out that all of that was just my period starting up again. Can you believe that? I had forgotten just how terrible periods are that I literally thought it could be a DEMON trying to ruin my life! Nope, that’s just being a female. Sheesh. Anyway, I have so many things I do want to share with you about different projects I’m working on.. but I’ll wait for this “demon” to go away first.

-Lydia