Number Twelve

Lydia,

Your willingness to put 100% into both caring for your daughters and being a good, supportive friend is impressive. Driving an hour and twenty minutes each way to feed Olga and return to Molly’s bachelorette party? Now that’s dedication!

I have felt that same self pity creep in at times, as well as the guilt that immediately follows. When Alder was a baby we had regular visits with some of our friends and every time I had to go feed him or put him to bed I felt sad that I was missing out on this fun time everyone else was having without me. Poppy wouldn’t sleep on her first Christmas Eve (she was only two weeks old) and I missed out on watching It’s A Wonderful Life, my favorite Christmas movie, with my family. It’s a bit ironic that I was sad about missing that as I held and cared for my infant daughter… Anyway, in these moments I always try to remind myself that these moments are fleeting and one day I will long for them. 

Alder will start kindergarten next year. It’s a ways away but I am trying to get his school sorted out. Not sure where he will go yet but there are a couple of schools that seem like pretty good options nearby and so many schools start their enrollment the winter prior to the school year. It’s been a bit sad knowing that he won’t be homeschooled. I know that one day, if our circumstances change, I can still homeschool him and Poppy, they don’t have to be in the same school they start in, but it still feels hard because I had really wanted to homeschool them. It’s just not possible right now with my having to work full time. 

Isn’t it funny how so many of our thoughts and concerns revolve around our families? What a change from our youth. Alice was visiting over the weekend and referred to us in our teenage years as “moderately delinquent,” which I found hilarious and spot on. I love that we have been friends through these vastly different stages of life. 

–Janie