Number Five

Janie,

This week I feel more like myself. Kimimela and Daphne came over on Monday to help entertain Sunny. I love that the girls get so much time to bond with their cousins. I actually just found a T-shirt for Sunny that says “cousin crew” haha it’s hard to believe that so far she already has 11 cousins! We’re settling into a semi predictable routine. The Snort is sleeping through all the crashing and loud babbling that echo through our rug-less, squeaky, hundred year old hardwood floor apartment. It’s horrible.. we have rugs to help soften the noises around here but they’ve been left out in the rain.. several times. One of them is too heavy for me to carry, so I had Silouan take them out for me air out in the sun. And then, as per usual, I forgot about them. So now they’re pretty gross. But Silouan is convinced we can get them cleaned up enough to bring them back into the house. We’re thinking about investing in a carpet cleaner. Unfortunately we both are terrible procrastinators. That’s one of the things I’m working on in particular this week. Don’t think too much just do. I spend too much time making to do lists and thinking about what needs to be done, so much that I don’t have time left to do all the things I was thinking about. I’m off to a good start though, this week I started making bread again, I’d been thinking about it for months but yesterday I didn’t think about it and just did it. It turned out okay, but it definitely needs work. Another project I’ve been putting off is finishing my yoga mat that I’m making out of old T-shirts. I’m very excited about it because ever since I broke my hand, most yoga mats make it painful for me to put weight on it because they aren’t cushy enough. But the crocheted T-shirt yarn is nice and cushy and feels pretty good! I’m pretty close to finishing that, in fact I think I’ll have it done by next week depending on how the kids sleep of course. Well anyway, that’s what I’m up to right now. Oh, I also just started reading two books:

 Renegade Beauty by Nadine Artemis

Chaos by Tom O’Neill

 Both are pretty good so far but Chaos has my full attention. Which is bad because I own that one and the other is from the library.

 But while I’m reading reading Chaos, which is all about the Charles Manson murders, I’m realizing another massive change in myself. I have a lot of compassion for all these terrible people. Which is something I used to really struggle with. I mean I definitely still do struggle with judging people all the time but not nearly as much or in the same way that used to. Since having kids, I’m more and more looking at people with their childhood in mind. Thinking of how they used to be so small and innocent and with all the potential in the world to do good. And when I look at my kids now, I think about who they will be when grow up - if they will choose to do good in the world. And if they don’t. I pray that there will be good people around them who will, no matter what evil acts my children could be capable of committing, always be praying that they can heal and change for the better, and celebrate any effort they make to become better people. Rather than hate them and be disgusted by who they’ve become and hope that terrible things happen to them. So, I’m trying as best as I can these days to have compassion for anyone who is struggling and fighting evil temptations, and especially for those who are losing that battle. I know I need that same kind of compassion, because I am desperately struggling myself.

 Anyway, somehow it’s already Saturday. This week has been very productive - so productive that we might even be home owners by the end of the day if all goes well. We’re finally ditching the dirty lead ridden city. I’ll miss it, but I’m ready to move on.

Update - We got the house! And a carpet cleaner lol

-Lydia