#31 — Good Morels For Lent
We officially have two walking children in the house! Now come the thoughts pouring in - could I ever go through it again? It’s hard to imagine ever being pregnant again. Even at this moment I’m wondering how I’m going do everything that needs to get done. Olga is down for her morning nap and Sunny is working at her art table. Here’s the list of everything I should be doing right now:
Dishes/tidying the kitchen
Prep dinner
Put away laundry
Start a new load of laundry
Switch all the bedding
Clean the bathrooms
Clean the inside of the fridge
Dust the ceiling fans
Dust everywhere else
Take scraps out to the compost
Give the chickens fresh water
I’m struggling to get up off the couch now.. how would I be able to manage this through the exhaustion of pregnancy and morning sickness? It’s hard for me to think about that on days like today when I feel completely run down. But as intimidating as it seems, I know that if or when we have another child I’ll be able to make it work.. because I’ll have to. It’s really incredible how with each kid your limits expand so significantly. But it’s also terrifying. Silouan and I both want more kids but it’s hard not to think about the ease of traveling the world with just two kids to keep track of. Their lives would be so different if we stayed a family of four. And the funny thing is there’s no wrong answer.. we’re happy now and we’d be happy with more. But right now, especially in this moment, I feel like maybe I need more time. I promised myself I’d never have kids so close together again but now I’m worried.. if we wait too long will I get too comfortable with the freedoms that come with toddlerhood? Afraid to do, afraid not to do. Ugh. And that’s not even adding in the fact we want to adopt at some point. We’re trying to learn about when the best time is to start that process.
So much to consider it’s overwhelming at times. But all the while I’m very aware that we’re so fortunate to even have the means to even consider these options.
We’ve chatted a few times in the past about whining and how exhausting it can be.. but right now I’m struggling because Olga is NOT going through a whining phase.. it’s the opposite. She’s playing so well independently and so excited to be learning to walk and is generally in a great mood all day.. which makes my scolding Sunny countless times throughout the day extra brutal for her. It must seem like I’m showing so much favoritism which is most likely why she’s been acting out in every way you can think of. I’m trying to be extra mindful to compliment her for any good deed done but.. sometimes it’s very difficult find even one. I wish I was more patient most of the time. Because whenever I get upset she starts to spiral and then I start to spiral… you know how it goes. And with one kid being in the most enjoyable developmental stage and the other in the most overwhelming and over stimulating stage.. there’s a lot less peace in the home than I would like to admit. The only thing I can do is really focus on keeping calm during intense moments of frustration. I have to constantly remind myself that if I can’t control my temper why should I expect my 2 year old to pull it together?
The only truly peaceful times we have at this time are when we go to the park. It’s Morel season here so we went out hunting for mushroom for dinner yesterday. It didn’t go quite as we expected
Mushrooms - 0
Pop-up thunderstorm - 1
We’re going to try again today even though it’s probably too cold now. We’re going with the cousins so if the mushroom hunt is a bust then at least we’ll be right by a big creek that recently flooded and we’ll hunt for arrowheads and mastodon teeth.
Lastly, we bought 1/4 of a cow. Funny what excited news is for us these days. But very VERY excited to not have to buy grocery store meat, even if it is from a local farm. Straight from the butcher makes me feel so much better.
Update on the morels, 21 found in less than an hour. Not too shabby.
