Number Seven
Janie,
I hope your crocheted berries turn out much better than my miserable coffee bag! Every time I look at it I hear the losing song from The Price Is Right playing in my head haha. Anyway, whether or not they live up to your vision, it’s always nice to have a project to work on, especially projects that are as relaxing and therapeutic as crocheting. So I hope it brings you satisfaction and joy. Something I’ve been doing recently to get more out of my time crocheting (crocheting things that are flat and don’t require counting haha) is saying the Jesus prayer for each stitch I make, or at least most of them if I'm not going too fast. I haven’t been as good lately about picking up my prayer rope but I think this has been a good compromise for me. It’s hard for me to find time, or even feel motivated to pray lately. It’s had a devastating effect on my mood which has been negatively affecting my family. My patience and my temper is the shortest it’s ever been. When I wrote last week, I felt back to normal because I had plenty of distractions. But just a few days ago, Sunny started the terrible twenty-two month sleep regression. I’ve been tested and I failed. I’ve lost my temper almost every night. And the little Snort has been waking up multiple times a night. So now I find myself sitting in silence (or very loud crying), waiting for kids to fall asleep. I’m just sitting there with my thoughts and no other distractions and the conclusion I've reached from those moments of quiet is that the condition of my soul is pretty bad.
While we’re on the topic of bad souls,
I went to a Creed concert over the weekend. It’s just what you’d expect. The crowd was absolutely fascinating. I had no phone service during the show so that was mostly refreshing, but also a little stressful because I wanted Silouan to be able to reach me if the girls were having any problems. I’m slowly getting less anxious when I leave them home with him, at least in the evenings while they’re sleeping. Especially since I know they’re in good hands. But still, I have the mom guilt about being away. Anyway, I limited myself to two beers. Two tall boys. Voodoo Ranger IPA. I don’t like IPAs but when two beers cost $40 you need a 7% beer to get your money's worth. That’s a problematic way of thinking about it but I’m working on it.
“I need to find someone with cigs dude” - drunk man passing by.
I’m writing this at the show while Baggins is in line for the bathroom. How the two of us ended up going together is a whole long story that involves a lost dog and broke unpredictable men in their early 30s. Anyway, I remember the time when you and I and the Rutherfurd’s went to Point Fest. If I remember correctly I was 15 and you were 16. We saw the Airborne Toxic Event. I can’t remember anyone else that played. Which is funny because I never actually listened to the Airborne Toxic Event haha. But I do remember begging strangers for a cigarette because obviously at 15 I couldn’t buy my own. That was so long ago. That was right before we would spend all of our free time at Vanbuskirk’s where we would play poker, Scopa, and talk to drunk old men that most of the time weren’t creepy predators, and just normal nice people who were amused by… well just how odd we were haha.
I’m forever thankful that we got to spend most of our teenage years at a half bar half coffee shop. Such a safe and yet dangerous environment that we learned so many life lessons from.
“He may be strung out but he’s bigger than me” - another drunk man passing by.
Remember when we used to document conversations we overheard at VB? The guy who was talking about all the different kinds of North American mallards and youth pastors who were insecure because they didn’t like coffee but coffee was in with the young crowd.
Anyway, the Hollywood Casino Amphitheater is very close to Lambert airport so I’ve been watching lots of planes flying by. I’m jealous of them. It’s been awhile Since I’ve flown anywhere. The last place I flew to was St. Anthony’s, a monastery in Florence, Arizona in 2022. I can’t help but see all these people flying overhead and not feel the desperate need to escape Missouri.
I got over it pretty quick though because the following Saturday, our family finally gained access to a pool for the first time this summer. And it was a salt water pool! Molly was visiting from Alaska and invited us over to her childhood neighbor’s pool. Sunny had so much fun I had to sign her up for more swimming lessons at Big Blue swim school. It’s a far drive but that girl needs time in the water.
The next day, I was able to go out again, this time to a winery on a Sunday afternoon to celebrate Yulias 30th birthday.
But that's all the time I have for fun, at least for a while. Most of the past few days have been taken over by sorting, packing, and trips to the new house, it’s about 35 minutes from our current apartment. I’ve been scheming and trying to figure out unique elements I can add to the house that will make it feel like home to me, but also not so off putting to potential buyers in the future. I think I’m finally out of the dreaming stage and now getting into the not so fun bits of home renovations. It’s time for measuring, calculating costs, and figuring out the realistic limitations for my ideas. But tomorrow I start ripping things out. I’ll try and remember to take before and after photos!
Update on the sleep regression: after 2 weeks of terrible, horrible, excruciating nights of screaming and wailing, it all stopped. Out of nowhere, everything is back to normal. I’m so confused but mostly thankful. There’s peace in the house again.
-Lydia